I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
