he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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