I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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