Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
