just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
