She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
