the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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