creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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