I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
