Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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