Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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