You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
