How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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