I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
