Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
