haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
