Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
