You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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