the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
