He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
