You just made me feel so damn special
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
