I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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