i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
