Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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