LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
