Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
