When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
