i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
