M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
