I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He keeps bees of course he's weird
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
