My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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