if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
