my mouth tastes like poor choices
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
