Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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