Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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