I faked an abortion last night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
