What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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