So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
