yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
zippers are such a cool invention
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
