No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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