True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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