There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
