I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
