I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
