You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
