Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
