If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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