Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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