I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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