im having a threesome with these popsicles
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
