Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
