I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
