No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
